best christmas gift

I have called Domieians birth father and step mother almost weekly since he transitioned home to live with them in early October to see how things are going. They always answer my calls, and are always willing to give me the latest update on Dom and what new thing he has learned. It is always calming to speak with them, and hear him babbling in the background.

We haven't seen Domieian since he left, and though I have had dreams of visiting him, his new family was not ready for us to come see him yet for fear that he would be confused. Last Thursday when I called for an update, I finally heard those words: "We are ready for you and Jeremy to visit Domieian". Oh if I could describe the anxiety, joy, fear, and anticipation that I experienced all in that one moment. My stomach knotted up, and I had that funny little ball in my throat that you get right before start crying, and I began thinking of what gifts I would bring for him, what he would look like, and if he would remember us?

Thursday night Jeremy and I faced the crowds to go shopping to buy Christmas gifts for Domieian. I was so nervous as I tried to make sure to get the right size clothes, and pick out a perfect toy he would like. Wow, is this what parents go through every year?? I can't believe how nervous I was that I would get the wrong thing! A new outfit, Nike shoes, and a toy truck later, we left the mall feeling successful.

On Friday Jeremy and I packed up the twins and set out to visit Dom in his new home. We were warmly greeted by his new stepmother and she welcomed us into the family room where Dom had just fallen asleep on the couch. He looked taller, and very peaceful. When she woke him, he seemed a little confused at first, but sat on my lap without a fuss, and didn't seem to mind as I carefully looked him over, stroked his hair, stretched out his fingers, and held him close. He didn't sit long before he noticed his gifts and intently pulled them onto the couch and began tearing them open. In true toddler fashion he gave great attention to every shred of wrapping paper, and as soon as he had ripped a piece off, he ran to the kitchen to throw it away. When he opened his new shoes, he took them out of the box and brought them to his stepmother and at that moment it was clear to me that he has made a successfull transition into his new home, and has built a healthy and trusting bond with his mother.

The rest of the visit including more opening gifts, playing chase through the house, pointing out objects he knew, looking at the photo album we gave him and lots of good conversation and laughter. I didn't get emotional during the visit, nor when we left an hour later to go home.

On the drive home I replayed the visit in my head over and over and began wondering why I felt such a sense of peace. I am no longer "mommy" to Dom, and I don't get to lay him down at night, or wake him in the morning, and at times this has been a great source of pain. But if anything, I left feeling selfish for all the times I have mourned over this child instead of being excited for him to be with his family. I was struck by the sense of entitlement I have had, and self pity that he was no longer with me, instead of experiencing joy that I was allowed to be his mother, even if for a time. And I think finally, having gone through some of my grief, and then seeing him doing so well, I began to feel peace.

I have learned a great many things from this experience with Dom, about being faithful, growing through pain, and most importantly - trusting God.

Trusting God with the outcome of our situations, trusting God to protect us, to take care of us, to reveal His will in His time. I wrote a friend recently and expressed my frustration in trying to figure God out, and her response was "Then don't!" The truth is that God's real purpose may not be revealed to us in this lifetime. We will be called to obediently walk through our circumstances, faithfully following the path laid before us, and having to trust that although we don't know "why", we know the "what".

Abraham was told to bring Isaac to the mountain as the offering though he didn't know why. Mary was told that she would raise the son of God, but didn't know the outcome. Throughout the bible there are stories of God's people obediently following a path laid before them, without knowing where it would lead or what obstacles and pain they may face on the way.

I guess that's how it is with us. We are following this path, and while I don't always get to see the master plan, I was thankful to get a glimpse of it this past week in visiting Dom. Knowing what heartache it has been for us, but then what a joy it was to see him at home with his family, I see how it can all fit into God's greater purpose. I know I won't always get to see how things work out for God's glory, but am thankful that this Christmas I was able to.

christmas recount

Had our annual Parker Christmas party this past weekend at my parents house. Here are the numbers:

Grandparents: 2
Parents: 2
Siblings: 4
Sibs in law: 3
Aunts: 3
Uncles: 2
Cousins: 9
Nieces: 2
Nephews: 3

Total: 30

That's right folks, 30 family members for a weekend packed under the same roof, same time, every year - and it's grand.

Of course, the obvious question is "what exactly do you DO that whole time". Well, lots of things, we have a yankee swap gift exchange, an auction, sometimes a pinata for this kids, we build snow men, have snow ball fights, and we always top of the evening by burning something.

Well, this year my father, wanting to exercise his new snowblower, decided to snowblow the backyard (yes, the backyard) in one giant crop circle. This left a gigantic mound of snow piled up in the middle of my parents back yard about 5 feet high and probably 10-15 feet in diameter. While at first we all laughed at the absurdity of snowblowing your backyard into a ginormous pile, we quickly learned how much fun huge mounds of snow can be!

Consider, this mound soon turned into an igloo, a sledding hill with steps going up, and wall to hide around during snowball fights, a climbing mountain, and most importantly - a stand upon which to place a teepee like figure for burning later on.

I will attempt to add video later, but for now, here is a glimpse of the snow mountain.

horrible driver and shameless promotion

I have an addendum to my previous blog on reasons why you are a better driver than me.

5. Ran out of gas on the way home tonight on Route 5...with babies in the car, during busy traffic, and p.s. it's freezing outside.

Here are the excuses:
1. My fuel light didn't come on.
2. Even though the pointer was below zero I was still waiting for the fuel light and thought I could make it.
3. I am an idiot.

Alright, forget number three. I really was just waiting for the fuel light and in its absence assumed that I MUST have more gas. And yes, apparently it is broken.
Alas, my husband the hero came and rescued his damsel in distress within minutes - after of course taking the opportunity to engage full hyena laugh on the phone. The laugh of course was in vindication after I used his car and left it on empty only days ago, causing him to hike home and back, gas can in tow, after HE ran out of gas on the road as well. I think we will be fixing the gas light soon.

Speaking of husbands hyena laugh, we are fervently praying for a new job in full time ministry for Jeremy that will allow:
- exercise in areas of gifting (preaching, teaching)
- communication (developing, creating and enhancing the media with which we communicate the Gospel)
- flexibility to continue Seminary (starting January)

In the meantime, our back up plan is Starbucks, or maybe something that includes free buffalo wings. Actually, Jeremy has perfected his own home made buffalo wing recipe that has saved us generously in funds. Though, I don't know that it has benefited High Bridge Pizza with whom we had a personal tab with until we began to fry chicken from home. Maybe we will open up our own wing place..."J and C Wings". I think it has a nice ring to it.

So, here's an invite - call us up if you want to partake in this new deliciousness, you will never want to order out again!

Oh, and if your little pointer is below zero fuel but your light is not on, you may want to fill up just in case.

marshmallows and criticism

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  I was confronted with some things that I need to work on and this is never easy for me.  I have been realizing what motivates me, and quite often it is the fear of correction.  I remember being in about 2nd grade in the lunch room, and I was talking during "quiet time" (big surprise) and I was told by the lunch monitor to go stand on the wall.  This was of course the customary punishment.  Instead of taking my spot on the wall I sat there and burst into tears between silent sobs.  I was so embarrassed for being called out that I just started crying.  The monitor quickly saw my emotional state and decided that maybe addressing me was enough and didn't make me stand on the wall.  This also happened when a "boyfriend" dumped me in seventh grade at a school dance, and I bursed into tears, and then subsequently called me a "marshmallow". I guess I wasn't getting in trouble, but I just felt like there was something about me that needed to be different.

 

I've developed a thicker skin since those days, but at my core I am still the same.  I have learned to anticipate the corrections, and am motivated to do what I can to avoid it.  When I meet with my boss for our weekly supervisions I am quick to lay my sins bare, before she is given a chance to correct me.  I must be the easiest person to supervise!  I'd rather identify on my own what I need to work on, rather than have someone point it out. 

There is some criticism however that you just can't avoid and you are unable to identify on your own.  There are times when flaws must be identified and called out, and we come face to face with our imperfection.  And it's in those moments, as uncomfortable as they are, when we are most challenged to grow. 

 

I had a day like that today.  It was especially hard because it was not a very tactful confrontation or criticism, but nonetheless I needed to hear it.  And it challenged me.  It plagued my thoughts my entire drive home, and as I ate dinner.  I had knots in my stomach as I went to bed thinking about the conversations of the day, and the fact that I indeed do not have it all figured out.  But I appreciate the challenge.  I never get used to it, but I have learned to accept it and be thankful for it as part of God molding and shaping me into his image. 

 

After all, imagine having nothing to improve, being perfect, flawless.  Now that is a pedestal I never want to stand on. 

18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect ^[a] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. Corinthians 3:18

 

   

fruits

I rarely blog twice, but was so humbled by this email I received today that I had to post.

Hey, I don't know if you remember me, but I went to Old Cutler Presbyterian back when I was in high school (like 5 years ago), and attended the youth group when you and Jeremy were working with it.

Anyways, I wasn't a Christian back then (far from it actually), but am now. It's interesting, but the one thing I really remember back from those days was you leading a girls Bible study and sharing a little bit about your testimony. I remember in your tearful talk you telling us girls to wait until marriage to have sex. It's funny, but I believe that one talk kept me from losing my virginity in college before I became a Christian.

So, I wanted to say thank you. You may not remember me, or may not have known it, but you touched my life and I am thankful for that. Now I am an adult leader for the high school youth group at my church, and am hoping to make a difference in their lives, as you have made a difference in mine.

It's amazing how God can use us in ways we would never imagined.

the great discrepancy

This is what He has given us to do, this task here on this earth, not the task we aspired to do, but this one. The absurdities involved cut us down to size. The great discrepancy between what we envisioned and what we've got force us to be real. And God is our great Reality, more real than the realest of earthly conditions, an unchanging Reality. It is His providence that has put us where we are. It's where we belong. It is for us to receive it--all of it--humbly, quietly, thankfully.
-elisabeth elliott

Oh the absurdities! The many mundane things that fill our time. I find myself reminising on the grandour I envisioned for my life and the reality of the pile of clutter that actually is my life. For instance, the four loads of folded laundry stacked in my bedroom waiting to be put away, the overdue movies that Hollywood Video is pestering us about, the mess in the basement, the dog food under the steps, the pile of papers on my desk at work, etc. And I think to myself, is this what it's all about?

Yes, and no. Two things I am sure of: I will never be free of tasks which I don't like, and I have the freedom to choose how I respond to these tasks.

This isn't a "pray for your babies while you monotonously fold each piece of their clothing" philosophy, it's a "choosing to allow God to reshape you as you faithfully fullfill the duties of whatever post you have been called to". I don't want to work full time and also try to juggle being a good mother, wife, friend, housekeeper, etc. But for now, God has allowed me to be in a challenging place, and if I can recieve this -- humbly, quietly, thankfully -- I'm excited to see how he will grow me through this process.

Well, most of the time I'm excited. Alright, some of the time. Ok, let's just say I'm working on it.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
-Philippians 2:13

93 minutes wasted

I don't know if "wasted" begins to even do justice to what I happened to my precious time. "Swallowed into the eternal abyss", "painfully stripped", "destroyed with the devastation of a santana blaze" or "massacred" may better describe the moments lost while watching the movie "Deck the Halls".

I rarely say this but I do believe I am actually dummer since watching that movie. See? I just mispelled dumber - I rest my case.

I feel bad only because in general I like the actors in the movie, but seriously, what were they thinking? I will make this brief, but just to recap the torchure which is "Deck the Halls";

- plot: 0
- character development: 0
- ditsy blondes: 3 (so sad, not even funny any more)
- scenes ripped from National Lampoons Christmas; 4+
- cheesy lines: SO MANY!!

Kelly Finch: What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Steve Finch: You know what it is.
Kelly Finch: Tell me.
Steve Finch: I was 7, my dad and I moved to Alabama...and Christmas morning we ate on the floor, ate French fries and drank chocolate milk.
Kelly Finch: That's what Christmas memories are made from, they're not planned, they're not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen.

- laugh factor: 1 for stupidity

I would recap the story line but I will waste even more time trying to figure out what it was. So in summary, compliments of rottentomatoes.com:

"Watching "Deck the Halls" is like getting a lump of coal in your stocking. Except receiving a lump of coal takes only seconds, while this awful movie goes on for an hour and a half."

Do yourself a favor this Christmas. Skip the new holiday movies. Watch the classics; It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Story, the real National Lampoons Christmas, or even Elf. Better yet, skip movies all together and read a story together, back some cookies for a neighbor, or do some old fashion Christmas caroling.

After all, if you go the movie route, you risk losing your precious time and more importantly - your sanity.

on family

On the eve of Thanksgiving it seems high time to weigh in on what I am thankful for (as cliche as it all seems). And in spite of all the wacky ways in which my little family keeps changing, I am most thankful for that very thing - my little ever changing family.

A year and a half ago my family consisted of Jeremy, myself and our two dogs. Then we added a little boy. Then a little boy left. Then we added another little boy. Then a little girl (a whole blog in itself). Then the little girl left. Then another little boy came. Then the little boy left. Then two little boys came. Did I lose you yet? We are up to 3 little boys, two adults, two dogs.

Then a little boy left - and here we are in our most recent family photo (minus the dogs).



Ah, the adventures of adopting through foster care. Despite our every changing family photo I wouldn't trade what we do for anything. I love these children that come into our family if only for a season. I love how it grows us and shapes us and allows us to be a part of something huge. I love how it brings out the best in both Jeremy and I and forces us to fully rely on God. All of this I am thankful for, despite the heartache that may accompany it.

"Though the sorrow may last through the night, Joy comes in the morning!"
-from the song Trading My Sorrows

the wait

I saw an ad for a book recently entitled "What do you do with your wait?" by Mike Harder. In summary the book seems to discuss what we do when we are waiting on God for something - an answer to prayer, direction, calling, purpose etc.

I touched base with my girlfriend from Miami the other day who recently recieved an answer to prayer after years of waiting. Neither her nor her husband are US citizens. They live in Miami and have religious visas through the church they work for. She is German and he is Haitian, and while she is free to go home to visit her family in Germany, he has been unable to leave the country while waiting approval for permanent residency.

Imagine, they have been married seven years and he has been unable to visit her hometown, her grandparents, any extended friends or family. He has had to remain in the States while she took the children to visit her family. In the grand scheme seven years may not seem that long...but when you are waiting, just waiting, it seems to last a lifetime.

So now the wait is almost over. They received news that the papers have gone through and he will be able to travel about freely. It has inspired me to see them walk through this wait, adjust plans accordingly, with patience and trust in God's ultimate providence and plan.


I think about what I do with my "wait". How I respond in between the here and there. After all, is it really about getting to the place we want to be, or about the journey to get there? If it's about the place, then it seems when we get to Heaven God would just say "yep, here you are - way to go sport". Not so exciting.

I find myself getting so sidetracked on what it is I am looking for or waiting for, that I sometimes lose the lessons God is teaching me in the process.

I'm thankful for friends who inspire me to use the most of my "wait" and encourage me to take advantage of these times of uncertainty to seek God fervently, letting Him gently guide me and grow me. I am also thankful for friends who walk with me through the wait, providing laughter and relief in what would otherwise be stressful times ;-).

worst job

Yeah, I didn't have the best day at work today. And just in case you were thinking that you have it bad...



Cheer up! You could be that guy :-)

truth about beauty

Our pastor is doing a series on the Christ's return, and to highlight this weekends message about the Anti-Christ the theme was "truth and lies". It made me think of this Dove video that I've wanted to post for a while.

The video exposes some lies that the world teaches about beauty, and while I don't know much about Dove, I think the message is relevant.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30

fall behind

As we drove through the winding back roads this morning, I realized the brightly colored leaves that once adorned the skyline where now scattered among the ground. Trees recently thick with rich reds, oranges, and yellows now stood bare and skeletal, preparing for the change of season and cold winter ahead.

I thought out loud and remarked to Jeremy, "I wish it would stay Fall, I'm dreading winter." This sentiment was further solidified as we drove past our favorite pumpkin patch and saw that the corn maze and pumpkins were now cleared out and empty, awaiting the many evergreens that would take their place.

While there are so many things I look forward to in the holiday season, it is always hard to leave memories behind and forge ahead, especially when the path seems dark and uncertain.

My mother sent me an encouraging verse when I spent my first month away from home working at a summer camp when I was sixteen. It reminded me then, as it does now, that no matter what season we are in God calls us to find joy in all circumstances:

"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior."

Habakkuk 3:17-18

Here's a favorite fall memory!


Jeremy in the corn maze with Michael in tow.

call of God

Another inspiring message from Elisabeth Elliot. It's amazing how much God teaches us through others.

Discerning the Call of God

As a little girl I especially loved the story of God's call to the child Samuel as he lay sleeping in the temple. I wondered if God would ever call me. Would I hear Him? What would He say? Throughout my growing years I read missionary stories and heard them told at our dinner table by guests from many lands who came to stay with us. I was always eager to know just how they were called. As a college student I worried much about whether I would fail to follow the Shepherd, would be deaf to His call. I thought it such a bewildering matter.

It is not a worry anymore. Experience has taught me that the Shepherd is far more willing to show His sheep the path than the sheep are to follow. He is endlessly merciful, patient, tender, and loving. If we, His stupid and wayward sheep, really want to be led, we will without fail be led. Of that I am sure.

When we need help, we wish we knew somebody who is wise enough to tell us what to do, reachable when we need him, and even able to help us. God is. Omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent--everything we need. The issue is confidence in the Shepherd Himself, a confidence so complete that we offer ourselves without any reservation whatsoever and determine to do what He says.

What He says? But how shall I know that?

He calls us every day, "o'er the tumult of our life's wild, restless sea." He comes to us in the little things, in the ordinary duties which our place in life entails. When I was a child He called me. The duty which my place in life entailed was obedience to my father and mother. In school and Sunday School He called me through the teacher. What she said I knew I was supposed to do. In first grade (yes, in public school) we sang the hymn, "Father, We Thank Thee." The second stanza says, "Help us to do the things we should, to be to others kind and good, in all we do at work or play to grow more loving every day." God's call again.

It's alluring to think of our own situation as very complex and ourselves as deep and complicated, so that we waste a good deal of time puzzling over "the will of God." Frequently our conscience has the answer.

My friend Jim O'Donnell tells how he, a hard-headed, hard-hearted man of the world, found Christ. His conscience was awakened. The call of God was immediate: "Go home and love your wife." The change was so sudden and so radical, Lizzie could not make head or tail of what had come over him. This self-confident and self-interested man had quit living for himself. He had died. An altogether new kind of life was now his. The first difference it made was the difference that mattered most--in his private life. It was there that he began to obey.

We are not talking here about audible voices. Although people in Bible times often heard God speak, we can expect that He will usually speak today through conscience, through the written Word, through other people, and through events. Events themselves, the seemingly insignificant happenings of every day, reveal the will of God. They are the will of God for us, for while we live, move, and have our being here on earth, in this place, this family, this house, this job, we live, move, and have our being in God. He "pulls strings through circumstances," as Jim Elliot said, even the bad circumstances (see Genesis 45:8, 50:20).

Three questions may help to clarify the call of God. Have I made up my mind to do what He says, no matter what the cost? Am I faithfully reading His Word and praying? Am I obedient in what I know today of His will?

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul" (Psalm 143:8, NIV).

little interruptions

 "She delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort, and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will, and working out His own designs. Whether she traced the secondary causes to the prayer of a child, to the imperfection of an individual, to obstacles arising from misunderstandings, or to interference of outside agencies, she was joyfully and graciously ready to recognize the indication of God's ruling hand, and to allow herself to be guided by it."  - The Life and Letters of Janet Erskine Stuart

 

I remember watching Dom struggle once to fit a little block into the square whole it was made for.  After several minutes of trying to manuever the object unsuccessfully, I held his hand and showed him how to adjust the block to fit through the hole.  He was initially frustrated at my interference, but when he watched the object fall into the belly of the toy, he was excited to see his progress. 

 

I wonder how often God has tried to intervene in my life, and I have pushed Him away, for fear that he is ruining my plans.  How many people have I brushed off because I was in a hurry to be somewhere?  What messages have I missed because I was running around?  How many projects or plans have I messed up because I tried to go it alone instead of allowing God to guide me through it?  And when intereferences do occur, how many times have I complained about it instead of believing that God works in and through ALL circumstances - even the inconvenient ones?

 

What if we delighted in seeing our plans interupted by unexpected events?  What if we could really view all of these inconviences as a divine opportunities to see God's gentle hand in our life, slowly guiding us through our journey and training us in the way we should go?  

 

How wonderful to live life this way.   

 

 

 

    

faith, uncertainty, and valleys

When Dom was about to leave us a few weeks ago, I remember telling a friend that I didn't understand how this fit into God's plan for our life.  She looked me square in the eye and said "This is not about you.  This is not part of God's plan to build  your family.  Maybe this was just about Domiean, and the part God wanted you to play in his life."  I don't know why I was so struck by her words.  But I realized that my perspective was way off.  I was viewing the situation and wondering how it fit into  my plan to build my family, and not trusting how it fits into God's plan.  Why is this so hard?  Why do I try to predict or control the future and have trouble placing faith in Him daily?  With very little certainty in our lives, sometimes we have no choice but to cling to the rock of our salvation, the author and perfector of our faith.  I wish that trust and faith in God came naturally but too often I am reminded that sometimes he forces you into a place where you  must   put your trust in Him.   

 

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted loss for the sake of Christ.  More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them rubbish so that I may gain Christ...that I may know him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death."  (Phil. 3:7-8, 10)

 

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison."

    

Read an encouraging post today http://acupofjoy.wordpress.com/2007/10/24/daily-dose-of-joy-6/trackback/  that reminded me of this poem.  I used to have it posted on my desk at the church I worked at in Miami.  It was a good reminder :-)

 

IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW
 
Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

 

 

 

 

you are a better driver than me

Reasons why I am a horrible driver:

 

1.  Left the car running over night (see earlier blog entry)

2.  Backed up into a tree doing a three point turn last week. 

3.  Tire pressure is low in my front right tire - that might be from running up on the curb too many times.

4.  Two weeks ago I got my first speeding ticket in 7 years - know a good lawyer?

 

I finally started laughing in the car last night as Jeremy was filling the tire with air and admitted that I am tired of making excuses and I just may be the worst driver ever.  It was good to finally let go.  Oops, I just thought of number five.

 

5.  Backed into a car at a stop light.  (sorry honey, I didn't tell you about this one, I'll explain later - and it was a long time ago - sorta)

 

Last but not least, compliments of Elisabeth Elliot:

 

Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable

1. Count your troubles, name them one by one--at the breakfast table, if anybody will listen, or as soon as possible thereafter.
2. Worry every day about something. Don't let yourself get out of practice. It won't add a cubit to your stature but it might burn a few calories.
3. Pity yourself. If you do enough of this, nobody else will have to do it for you.
4. Devise clever but decent ways to serve God and mammon. After all, a man's gotta live.
5. Make it your business to find out what the Joneses are buying this year and where they're going. Try to do them at least one better even if you have to take out another loan to do it.
6. Stay away from absolutes. It's what's right for you that matters. Be your own person and don't allow yourself to get hung up on what others expect of you.
7. Make sure you get your rights. Never mind other people's. You have your life to live, they have theirs.
8. Don't fall into any compassion traps--the sort of situation where people can walk all over you. If you get too involved in other people's troubles, you may neglect your own.
9. Don't let Bible reading and prayer get in the way of what's really relevant--things like TV and newspapers. Invisible things are eternal. You want to stick with the visible ones--they're where it's at now.

Blessings,

C

everything

I've been checking out alot of videos online lately, and of all the ones I watched this had the greatest impact on me. I wish the resolution was sharper but the message is still clear. If you know any young women, or ever were one yourself, you need to see this.



I think the video speaks for itself.

Blessings,
C

transparent

 

Two things I was reminded of last night:

 

1.  Jeremy is more honest than I am. 

 

2.  If you go to bed at 1:30 and have to wake up at 6:30, you will probaby be late for work. 

 

Scenario one:  Jeremy wrote a few blogs recently which I finally read last night.  You can check them out at http://jeremymulder.blogspot.com .  He then asked me what I thought.  I hesitated because I wasn't sure how to respond.  On one hand, he made some really good arguments about some things and took a stance for what he believes are important in our faith.  On the other hand, he was so transparent and candid that I wondered if people would be offended by what he wrote and how he wrote it.  I chose to be honest and candid with him as well, and when I responded it didn't go over so well at first.  I told him I was uncomfortable with how he wrote some things, and that maybe he was being offensive, and who knows what else. 

 

In the end, we talked it out and realized a couple things.  We BOTH want to be honest, transparent and truthful in our thoughts and words.  Jeremy is transparent in his blog, and I am transparent in my opinions of Jeremy's blog.  It is also apparent that I still have some things to learn about really being truthful and honest about who I am.  What I admire is that my husband really is not concerned with what other people think of him.  He cares for people deeply, but when it comes to what he believes he is willing to say whatever he thinks is the truth.  Does he go too far?  Who knows.  When I want to speak the truth, I am always concerned at how I am percieved or how I come across, and get really nervous about offending people, so sometimes I may gloss over something and the message may be lost.  this I realize may be an area for me to work on. 

 

 In the end, we both want to speak the truth, and are willing to reveal the messy reflection of Christ that we are - in hopes that through that honesty you may see and hear God's truth, His passion, and His love reflected through us.   

 

Oh, and by the way, scenario two is that I got up late and came to work late.  Yep, that's it.  

 

Blessings, 

C  

 

 

new dawn

It started with a small pair of shorts, and then socks hidden behind the crib. Since Dom left us last friday to live with his birth father, I have kept myself together for the most part. Tonight, I fought back my emotions and lost. I know he is in a good place. And I know that this is what we have been preparing him for for the past year. And I know that this is part of God's purpose and plan, to grow me, to grow him, to show His glory.

But tonight I hurt.

Praise God that tomorrow brings a new dawn.

In Him,
C

Deliver me
out of the sadness
Deliver me
from all of the madness
Deliver me
courage to guide me
Deliver me
Your strength inside me

All of my life, I've been in hiding,
wishing there was someone just like you
now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through

Deliver me
Loving and caring
Deliver me
Giving and sharing
Deliver me
This cross that I'm bearing

David Crowder Band

Moonless Trust

I can't seem to find the words lately. Right now I'm just thankful to be reminded of God's truth through others.

Another Devotional, compliments of Elisabeth Elliot

Some of you are perhaps feeling that you are voyaging just now on a moonless sea. Uncertainty surrounds you. There seem to be no signs to follow. Perhaps you feel about to be engulfed by loneliness. There is no one to whom you can speak of your need.

Amy Carmichael wrote of such a feeling when, as a missionary of twenty-six, she had to leave Japan because of poor health, then travel to China for recuperation, but then realized God was telling her to go to Ceylon. (All this preceded her going to India, where she stayed for fifty-three years.) I have on my desk her original handwritten letter of August 25, 1894, as she was en route to Colombo. "All along, let us remember, we are not asked to understand, but simply to obey.... On July 28, Saturday, I sailed. We had to come on board on Friday night, and just as the tender (a small boat) where were the dear friends who had come to say goodbye was moving off, and the chill of loneliness shivered through me, like a warm love-clasp came the long-loved lines--'And only Heaven is better than to walk with Christ at midnight, over moonless seas.' I couldn't feel frightened then. Praise Him for the moonless seas--all the better the opportunity for proving Him to be indeed the El Shaddai, 'the God who is Enough."'

Let me add my own word of witness to hers and to that of the tens of thousands who have learned that He is indeed Enough. He is not all we would ask for (if we were honest), but it is precisely when we do not have what we would ask for, and only then, that we can clearly perceive His all-sufficiency. It is when the sea is moonless that the Lord has become my Light.

Blessings,
C

christian radio

Ahhhh, Christian radio. Who was the brilliant mastermind behind this 24/7 burst of incessant joy and happiness? It astonishes me how chipper Christian radio DJ's seem to be, always waking up on the right side of the bed, and greeting their listeners with an eerily cheery "Hi-diddly-ho, neighbouroo" (compliments of Ned Flanders). But as much as I have mocked Christian radio DJ's (and Christian radio in general) I found myself saddened recently as I received news that the Christian radio station I listened to in Miami has been sold and will no longer be on the air.

Most days 89.7 Spirit FM seemed to be the only light in the otherwise dismal and spiritless city that is Miami, FL. Cheesy DJ's and all, it was all I really listened to. Not that my options were bountiful, after all, virtually every other station in Miami consisted of some variety of the latest revamped and remixed club songs. Nonetheless, Spirit FM got me through three years in Miami, giving me my "daily dose of the Word" and introducing me to the personalities of James McDonald, John MacArthur, Tony Evans and Bob Coy. Sad that it is no longer :-(

Check out what's left of their website here: www.wmcuradio.com

In the meantime, I have found an online station that gets through my web filter at work to listen to. I'll try to remember to post the link when I go back to work. Which I wish was never, but will probably be tomorrow.

C

breaking the husk

Ouch. This hit home.

The worst pains we experience are not those of the suffering itself but of our stubborn resistance to it, our resolute insistence on our independence. To be "crucified with Christ" means what Oswald Chambers calls "breaking the husk" of that independence. "Has that break come?" he asks. "All the rest is pious fraud." And you and I know, in our heart of hearts, that that sword-thrust (so typical of Chambers!) is the straight truth.

If we reject this cross, we will not find it in this world again. Here is the opportunity offered. Be patient. Wait on the Lord for whatever He appoints, wait quietly, wait trustingly. He holds every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in His hands. Thank Him in advance for what the future holds, for He is already there. "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup" (Psalm 16:5, NIV). Shall we not gladly say, "I'll take it, Lord! YES! I'll trust you for everything. Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Read the entire entry here: http://www.elisabethelliot.org/devotional.html

C

report

If God were a psychologist and had to submit reports to himself, this might be his latest. I've submitted it for your enjoyment in APA format.    

 

Introduction 

It appears to be common among the human race, to desire to have control and power over lifes circumstances.  This includes issues related to finance, work, family, and health.  Of course, mankind should not try to control their future but submit to God's will and place their trust in Him. It is hypothesised, that if man were to lose the ability to control his own life and direction, his trust and faith in God for provision would increase.   

 

Method

 

Participants

A female, married mother of three in her late twenties, was intentionally preselected for this study due to an extremely high tendency to assert her own power and control over situations rather than relying on God and having faith in Him alone.  

 

Materials  

The females dependence on herself to find answers and attempt to regain control was weighed against her dependance and faith in God over her future.  These two variables were measured by God.   

 

Procedure

Through various circumstances the females assurance of financial stability, family health or the future of the children became unstable.  Though control was never really hers to begin with, the allusion of control over these matters was taken away so that subject would feel powerless.      

 

Results

With no resources of her own to turn to, it was determinded that the female began to place more reliance and faith in God to provide for her future, than in her own efforts.  She gained a renewed thirst for God's Word and began to concentrate more on trying to place her trust in Him than to try to continue to control her circumstances.  

 

Discussion

The results of this study were consistent with the hypothesised outcome.  As the female had less control, she relied on God more.  Further research in this area may include blessing the woman with everything she has ever desired to see if she continues to place her faith and trust in God.  

p.s. Add a scipture tag to your blog http://www.christianwomenonline.net/scripturetags.html

C

soaked

Last night was bath night for the babies.  I wish I could say I was supermom and bathed all three everynight, but in our house baths are on an "as needed" basis.  Usually I bath the twins in their baby bath and then Dom in the big tub, but last night I decided to try to put one of the twins, Michael (5 mon), in the bath with Dom (1 1/2) to save time. 

 

I thought it was a great idea, and was affirmed by Michaels cackling giggles as I placed him in the tub with Dom.  The next moment Dom got excited too, and began splashing ferociuosly while making a high pitched yell/scream/laugh noise.  Michael immediately freaked and his little face and body tensed as water splashed all over him.  He didn't have a chance to cry through all the water on his face but managed to look up at me ponderously as if to say "mommy, what where you thinking?"  Now commited to the task, I tried to hold Michael up (who can't sit up on his own) with one slippery hand while washing him with the other.  At that point Dom decided to catapault out of the tub onto my lap and managed to soak me from the waist down.  I soon became frustrated that neither baby would comply with my perfect plan.  I don't remember the rest, but 15 minutes later all babies were clean and ready for bed.  

 

I'm not sure what the bigger lesson is for me: to have more patience in completing a task, to not force someone into a situation they are not ready for, or to not wear my work clothes when bathing babies?

 

I was disappointed with myself for trying to rush through bath time and for being angry with Dom for getting water all over the place.  I did however manage to slow down after bath time.  I rocked the babies and sang songs to them.  I read books with Domieian for a long time.  I'm trying to remember to have more patience, not rush things, and enjoy the blessings of today.  Afterall, we're not gauranteed that we will still have that same blessing tommorrow. 

C

running

Two things I learned today:

1. $25 of gas will keep your car iddling for 15 hours plus.

2. If your car is left running in your driveway in Schenectady overnight, it will not necessarily be stolen.

Yes. I left my car running in my driveway overnight. Jeremy discovered my blunder this morning when he went to go to the grocery store and the car was already on and ready to go. I somehow managed to get out of it last night after returning from work, and failed to take out the keys and turn it off. So far Jeremy has only used this against me twice today:

ME: Honey, you forgot to hang up your towel.

HIM: I'm sorry, WHO left the car on overnight?

I guess I should get used to it. I will be hearing about this one for some time. Thank the Lord (seriously) that our brand new Kia Sedona did not get stolen - I don't think insurance covers stolen vehicles that had the keys in the ignition.

On a brighter note, I don't have to work all weekend and am excited for some much needed family time. Thankfully we still have the van to get us all around.

C

identity box

Years after starting this blog (I think I reserved it back when we lived in Miami) I am actually making an effort to blog regularly. This has inspired me to look up my old blogs from Myspace(sigh)Iand re-post them here periodically. This ones from August 20th, 2005.

I enjoy Myspace. I find it to be a great way to connect to old friends and new friends, keep in touch, vent out some thoughts, and carve out my own little corner of the giant internet cyberspace. Lately however I have run into one major problem that I like to call: the myspace identity box.

In mapping out this tiny little page I have struggled to incorporate all of who I am into one miniscule page that is supposed to define me for all of the internet world to see. No matter how much more I add to my site however I feel that every word or picture backs me further into a corner. My vast wonderous God inspired identity has been packed and shaped into a tiny little box. The image that comes to mind is from the movie Aladdin where the Genie talks about his powers of the universe being confined to an "itty bitty living space" inside the lamp.

I am tempted to erase my entire page just so that my identity will not be confined to a box, but seriously, that would just be boring. So I'll leave it up, but just for the record, I will try to sum up in an honest and candid manner, at my very core, who I am.

I am child of God saved by grace. This means two things to me. First, that I've found that on my own I am hopeless to find any real meaning in life, proven after a long search in my teen years that left me mostly bruised and scarred. Second, that my only redemption and identity is found in God through his son Jesus. Seriously, who is perfect? I'm an idiot most of the time and even on my best days I am a messy reflection of who I wish I was. Everything I try to do on my own I screw up beyond comprehension, so I've given up trying on my own and have embraced my Creator as my life mentor.

So that's me. A messy reflection of Christ. Try to put that in a box.

Good to remind myself where my priorities are.

C

light in the valley

"He must be a satisfaction so deep that when death takes away everything that you love - but gives you more of Christ- you count it gain."  John Piper

 

I'm working on that "satisfaction so deep" part. 

 

I'll keep you updated.  C

 

 

Oh man

Jeremy updated my blog.  Hope it's working!