dear mr. ramsey

Dear Dave,

Your envelope system is fabulous. I finally broke the habit of swiping my little debit card every time I wanted to impulse buy. You are right - cash is better! Oh, and I even got rid of my cable, and lowered my phone bills. I also paid off some cards and haven't charged anything to credit in months. But I have one question:

How do I make SallieMae stop calling me?

With college loans that could buy a yacht, my little service to society job is not quite making the grade.

My husband tried negotiating with them and they hung up on him. Suggestions?

Respectfully,

Christi

death and grief

I feel like I've been sleep walking for the past 4 months. I try to look back on time and can't seem to figure out where it has gone. It's as if I've been walking through a hazy fog, waking up, eating, going to work, back to sleep. I think back to a year ago, and the people that were once so present in our lives but now are gone, and it seems like another life entirely.

This past week I haven't been able to put thoughts of my cousin Jon and Jeremy's father out of my head. I keep replaying the events of May and the sudden deaths of them both within days of one another, and I can't seem to grasp the reality of it all. The traveling between NY and Miami, the hasty arrangements, the stacks of sympathy cards, and the painful goodbyes. It all is so final. I rechecked our phone ID the other day and realized that Jon's number had finally been bumped off our caller ID, no longer marking his last call to us on Mothers Day. A call I never recieved because we were in Miami with Jeremy's father.

I think of my father-in-law, and what a strong commanding presence he had, and how our children will only hear stories of the wonderful man who shaped their daddy into the father he is today. I think of holidays and family get togethers, and wonder what it will be like. I worry about my husband and whether or not he has really processed the whole event himself.

And yet there is a normalcy to life. The sun rises new every morning. The seasons keep changing. But sometimes I just wish it would stop for a little while. Or slow down just enough so I can feel like it's not trying to force me to keep up with it, and move on, and build new memories over the old ones. I want to sit a little longer, just as I am, without it thrusting me forward.

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Are you dealing with grief?

And what the heck, 10 ways to change your attitude if you are like me and get yourself all worked up at 1am in the morning.

Blessings,
C

drunk pumpkin

A few falls ago I carved out these cute little pumpkins into tea light holders. I was looking for the picture of them on my computer so I did a search in my pictures for "pumpkin". This is what I got. I can only assume that Jeremy put it there.



I'm sorry, that's just funny.

Blessings,
C

identity crisis or boredom?

Number of times I've changed the design of my blog page in the past week: 5
Number of times I've had an identity crisis in the past week: 5

Alright, so I'm not really having an identity crisis. But having a new desire to write on a more regular basis, I have spent more time trying to figure out what I want my blog to look like. So, today it's purple. Yesterday, it was more pink. A few days before that, a subtle flesh color. But who really cares, doesn't everyone use Google Reader these days anyhow? If you don't, you should, it's the best thing since the Jesus Song (which I may or may not have watched 20+ times).

Lately I've been really trying to figure out who I want to be. Not just in theory but in practice. Jeremy made a comment a few weeks ago to me, suggesting that I was really rather insecure and didn't seem to know who I was. He went on to gently suggest that if I were to really figure out who I was and be confident in myself, he really felt that I could make a difference.

Um, was that supposed to be a compliment? "Honey, if you weren't so screwed up, you'd be awesome!" Well, I don't think that's what he really meant. As much as I tease my husband for not understanding women and how we think, I think he actually said something quite profound. Which is basically, that if I would just stop worrying what everyone else thought, and focus more on just living a life that is shamelessly following God, then maybe I could have some real impact.

The truth is, I worry about my hair, and my shoes, and saying the right things, and if anyone will notice that I wore the same outfit to church 2x in the same month. Oh, and that I didn't comb my kids hair, or my house isn't clean, etc. etc. Why? I'm not taking Paul's "be all things to all people" literally, I'm just living life based on others expectations and it can be exhausting.

So, now you know. I'm gonna try to stop doing things for you. Whoever you are. Maybe who I am in the inside will show up a little more, if I don't pay so much attention to who I am on the outside.

"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God."

Proverbs 31:30
The Message

Blessings,
C

apples and working moms

What better way to ring in the fall then to go apple picking? Today I packed up the kiddies while Jeremy was at work and met some friends at the apple orchard. There is nothing quite like fresh picked apples for an afternoon snack. So now I've just got to try to muster some energy to make some pie or apple crisp out of them so they don't go to waste. Seeing as I have about 10 loads of laundry to fold however, I'm not sure you will smell anything baking in my house for a while. Which brings me to my top 10 reasons why I wish I were a stay at home mom:

10. I can wear my pajamas all day.
9. I can take naps during nap time.
8. I won't wait until my husband tells me he is wearing yesterdays underwear to actually do laundry.
7. I might start cooking dinner.
6. I can say "Hi honey! How was work?"
5. I can teach my kids to say "Apple" instead of them learning it from Baby Einstein. no, seriously.
4. No whiny co-workers
3. I can join all those mommy groups that make stay-at-home moms just as busy as working moms.
2. I won't have to take days off for appointments, doctors, sick days, etc.
1. Did I mention that I can wear my pajamas all day?

So that's my list for now. I'm sure I will come up with a new one soon. In the meantime, I will continue to attempt to be superwoman and work fulltime while maintaing a semi-clean house, cooking every now and then, loving my babies, and keeping my hubby happy :).

Blessings,
C

neighbors

The other morning Jeremy and I were talking about how we could get more involved in our immediate community. Having lived in our current house for three years, we have developed a great group of friends through our church, but somehow don't know the people across the street. Actually, I met the daughter the other day at the grocery store and she recognized me as and we had a fun chat. Then later I realized that it was her little dog that has been sneaking through our fence to play with our dogs (we named him "widget"). But I don't really know them. I can tell you the daily activities of all my neighbors, who cares for their lawn the most, who walks their dogs, who has the most visitors, but I am embarrased to say I don't know most of their names. So this is what Jeremy and I were talking about: how to get to know our neighbors and be involved in our community in a way that we could have an impact.

So then yesterday I'm at this training update for work. It's through Cornell University and while there were a few of us from my agency, there were multiple agencies represented. Some people even came as far as NYC. So there was about 25 of us in all at the training, and as I get to talking to this other guy there I find out he lives in the same town as me. Then I find out he lives in the same neighborhood. And come to find out, he's about 6 houses down from mine on the adjacent street. Small world! I went home that day after giving my new neighbor a ride home from training, and was excited to tell Jeremy that we are one step closer to getting to know our community.

So...do you know your neighbors?

don't be mad

Jeremy always gets frustrated when he has to wait for me to come up to bed. This means two things.

1. I really do need to be more disciplined about getting to bed on time.
2. My husband is awesome because he insists that we go to bed at the same time. (Insert small throw up in mouth here because we are so cute ;)

So honey, don't be mad at me, I'm just really excited to put up some pictures from the summer. Soon I'll be putting up pictures of fall!!









We pretty much lived at the park and walked alot. It was great. Jada got braids, the boys got busier, it was fun.

Ok, headed to bed.

Blessings,
C

and a few things

I don't know about other bloggers, but some days I find myself wanting to write about everything under the sun. How hot and muggy the weather was yesterday, how tough it is getting three children to church on time by myself, how I love napping on Sunday afternoons, the waste-of-life movie I stayed up till 2am watching the other night, etc. So I suppose it's time for another bullet point blog highlighting stuff I want to blog more about but don't have the time. Enjoy.

Things I enjoyed this summer:
- Camping in Hopeville! (ok, I did blog about that one)
- Sitting by my moms rock garden with the spitting frog fountain
- Walks in Central Park, and the Concerts on Sunday nights
- Swimming with Jada in the pool
- Warm mornings

Latest books:
- "I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"
- "Mudhouse Sabbath" by Laura Winner
- "Dangerous Wonder" by Michael Yaconelli (reading in small group)

Current indulgence:
- McD's Sweet Ice Tea and Warm Chocolate Chip Cookies ($1 each!!)

On Budgeting:
- Envelopes aren't that bad
- Dollar menus are awesome
- You really don't need to spend as much as you do, really
- Craigslist is the budgeters heaven

On family:
- Twins are hilarious. Where else can you get constent entertainment for free? I mean, two kids don't fit on one high chair, or do they?
- I love little girls. Dresses, pink, braids, bows - you name it I love it.
- Husbands should make you laugh. Like last night when Jeremy got up out of bed to demonstrate the wrestling moves he pulled on some kids when he got in fights in elementary school. He had me laughing so hard I cried. My husband fighting? It's not what it sounds like, it's way funnier.
- Grandparents are amazing. They all seemed to turn 75 this year and I am so thankful to have them around to celebrate life with. Endless wells of knowledge and wisdom.

On blogging, my new favs:
- Ragamuffin Soul
- Stuff Christians Like

On the unknowns:
- I'm getting pretty use to not knowing what tommorrow holds, and am getting comfortable with it. It stretches your faith, and can be really exciting if you don't let it stress you out.

Welp, there it is. Everything I've wanted to blog but haven't. Except for pictures. I'll put some more up soon.

Blessings,
C

Still a thumb sucker

Today when I came home from work I felt the distinct cold chill of the impending fall season coming through my windows. For the first time in months I grabbed a sweater and some socks before settling in for the night. It was kinda exciting. Cool weather means apple orchards, hot apple cider and donuts, pumpkin patches and corn mazes. Oh how I love the change in seasons.

But it comes at a cost. I'm also quite nostalgic and can get lost in memories of seasons past. I feel like there has been a lifetime packed into this past year, and even this summer. Many joys, but also many sorrows.

We said Goodbye to Domieian one last time this past Saturday. He is moving down to Virginia area with his family to start fresh. I am so happy for them and am sure they will do well. But I cried almost the entire time at the train station before they left. This little boy that I raised for the first year and a half of his life was so big, and happy, and well adjusted. Oh, and he still sucks his thumb. I look forward to keeping in touch with his family, and although Jeremy and I may have been a passing memory for him, he will always be present in my heart and thoughts.

First day!

Comfy with Jeremy

Last Summer in Miami

At the Train Station (ignore my slicked back hair, we rushed out of the house to meet them at the station and I may or may not have showered yet and/or put on yesterdays clothes)

Blessings,
C

political rhetoric

Yep, I'd vote for her. Here's just a few reasons why:

She is passionate, articulate and inspiring.
She is outspoken about her faith and convictions.
She fights for the unborn.
She is a role model and mentor to young women.
She thinks outside the box.
She is not afraid to confront opposition and stand up for injustices.
She is nurturing and motherly.
She is relatable and down to earth.
She has been married for over 20 years and has strong family values.
She supported her 17 yr old daughters decision to keep her baby.
Her initials are SP.

And she is my mom, Susan Parker.

Who did you think I was talking about? ;)