Sunday, November 25, 2007

93 minutes wasted


I don't know if "wasted" begins to even do justice to what I happened to my precious time. "Swallowed into the eternal abyss", "painfully stripped", "destroyed with the devastation of a santana blaze" or "massacred" may better describe the moments lost while watching the movie "Deck the Halls".

I rarely say this but I do believe I am actually dummer since watching that movie. See? I just mispelled dumber - I rest my case.

I feel bad only because in general I like the actors in the movie, but seriously, what were they thinking? I will make this brief, but just to recap the torchure which is "Deck the Halls";

- plot: 0
- character development: 0
- ditsy blondes: 3 (so sad, not even funny any more)
- scenes ripped from National Lampoons Christmas; 4+
- cheesy lines: SO MANY!!
Kelly Finch: What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Steve Finch: You know what it is.
Kelly Finch: Tell me.
Steve Finch: I was 7, my dad and I moved to Alabama...and Christmas morning we ate on the floor, ate French fries and drank chocolate milk.
Kelly Finch: That's what Christmas memories are made from, they're not planned, they're not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen.
- laugh factor: 1 for stupidity

I would recap the story line but I will waste even more time trying to figure out what it was. So in summary, compliments of rottentomatoes.com:

"Watching "Deck the Halls" is like getting a lump of coal in your stocking. Except receiving a lump of coal takes only seconds, while this awful movie goes on for an hour and a half."
Do yourself a favor this Christmas. Skip the new holiday movies. Watch the classics; It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Story, the real National Lampoons Christmas, or even Elf. Better yet, skip movies all together and read a story together, back some cookies for a neighbor, or do some old fashion Christmas caroling.

After all, if you go the movie route, you risk losing your precious time and more importantly - your sanity.

3 comments:

Sonicth3Great said...

Hmmm...

I too wasted my time with this piece of crap. I also wanted to point out that you misspelled "torture", and you spelled it "torchure".

What else can I say about this movie? Nothing you haven't said.

I will say this, though. Christmas Caroling seems like a pretty dumb activity. I'm going to blog about how dumb it is.

Christi said...

Fine, but then expect me to blog back on how awesome it is.

Faith said...

Or better yet, start some awesome family Christmas traditions.(caroling is a good idea) One of our favorites is reading One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham.....
you made me laugh reading your movie review! I will make sure Dave and I don't see it! hey...we're middle aged...we do It's a Wonderful Life....another family tradition!