Number of times I've had an identity crisis in the past week: 5
Alright, so I'm not really having an identity crisis. But having a new desire to write on a more regular basis, I have spent more time trying to figure out what I want my blog to look like. So, today it's purple. Yesterday, it was more pink. A few days before that, a subtle flesh color. But who really cares, doesn't everyone use Google Reader these days anyhow? If you don't, you should, it's the best thing since the Jesus Song (which I may or may not have watched 20+ times).
Lately I've been really trying to figure out who I want to be. Not just in theory but in practice. Jeremy made a comment a few weeks ago to me, suggesting that I was really rather insecure and didn't seem to know who I was. He went on to gently suggest that if I were to really figure out who I was and be confident in myself, he really felt that I could make a difference.
Um, was that supposed to be a compliment? "Honey, if you weren't so screwed up, you'd be awesome!" Well, I don't think that's what he really meant. As much as I tease my husband for not understanding women and how we think, I think he actually said something quite profound. Which is basically, that if I would just stop worrying what everyone else thought, and focus more on just living a life that is shamelessly following God, then maybe I could have some real impact.
The truth is, I worry about my hair, and my shoes, and saying the right things, and if anyone will notice that I wore the same outfit to church 2x in the same month. Oh, and that I didn't comb my kids hair, or my house isn't clean, etc. etc. Why? I'm not taking Paul's "be all things to all people" literally, I'm just living life based on others expectations and it can be exhausting.
So, now you know. I'm gonna try to stop doing things for you. Whoever you are. Maybe who I am in the inside will show up a little more, if I don't pay so much attention to who I am on the outside.
"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God."
Proverbs 31:30
The Message
Blessings,
C
3 comments:
Love the new look. I think it goes with your title nicely (even though the pics are lilacs). You know I recently read Psalm 34:5. It's amazing and has made me think about how much I worry about what others think about me.
i love your picture and the girl meets life title!! i think you're right about google reader ... unless i post a comment, i don't usually view someone's actual blog!!!
holy cow. have you been listening in on my conversations with me of late? did you bug our house? is this really about me?
i'm worried....
:)
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