tips for the first 8

Yesterday Jeremy and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary. I was inspired by his recent blog on the subject and decided to add my own thoughts.

For some reason I am much more reflective this year than I have been on previous anniversarys. In fact, I don't really remember last years anniversary, or the year before, but this one really sticks out. I suppose it is in part due to the fact that we have recently lost several family members and life seems a little more precious, or perhaps it is simply because 8 seems really close to 10, which feels like a big year. Anyhow, here are my tips for your first 8 years of marriage.

Year 1 - Enjoy the making up after the fights, there will be many this year. Also find more mature couples to help you in your new journey!

Year 2 - Now that you've taken a break from yelling, start learning your love languages and practice!

Year 3 - If you are still trying to change your spouse, stop now! They need to know you love them for who they are, not who you want them to be.

Year 4 - Cut back on the things you've let slip into your schedule, and refocus on having fun together.

Year 5 - Start helping younger couples, you will learn alot and appreciate how far you have already come. Oh, and take a trip for this anniversary, it's an important milestone!

Year 6 - Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. Don't fall into complacency and not nurture your friendship.

Year 7 - Don't itch! You are doing great and should be! You've accomplished some great things together but have so much more to look forward to - keep dreaming together.

Year 8 - Reassess your goals. Maybe you're not where you want to be, but if you have been faithful to one another you are likely where God wants you to be :-)

Yep. That's it. Happy loving!

Rest

I remember swinging in a rope hammock in my Uncles old backyard during one of many family get-togethers. My eyes are closed and I'm not sleeping, but I know by keeping them shut I will be left alone to just swing and enjoy the breeze. One of my older relatives walks by and makes a comment about how cozy I must look and I know that for a moment my relatives admire my small 5 year old frame snuggled in the hammock, and reflect on the simplicity of childhood. I can hear younger siblings and cousins voices echo around me as they run in circles, laugh and play. I hear the many conversations of all the adults lingering about, conversations which I will listen to briefly before abandoning them in favor of my own thoughts. I can smell the fresh scent of summer, the aroma of newly cut grass mixed with the poignant odor of a fiery grill. And I am at rest.

I remember laying in my sleeping bag at Hopeville Pond under the thin veil of stretched nylon surrounding me on all sides. The rain dances above me in a rhythmic pattern as it drums the tent. I am fully awake, but the last to rise on this and many other mornings. I breath deeply the smell of rain as it breaks to let in the fresh blueberry pancakes on the grill and my mothers morning cup of coffee. Sounds echo through the tall pine trees sprinkled through the campground, and I can hear children already riding around on bikes, babies crying, and mothers yelling across campsites warning their children to not wander. If I could suppress my hunger and desire to seek out adventure, I could lay here all day.

Today I lay on the couch in my living room. It is still a little stiff, not quite broken in, but it is all I need to steal a few moments of rest. The moist air brushes past the white window curtains, tossing them gently aside. I hear cars passing by on the street, and my husband tinkering about, finishing his afternoon projects. I smell a familiar scent, one mixed with the memories of summers spent outdoors, and the comfort of being surrounded by family. The musical mobile hanging above Jada's crib lets out a few faint notes before ending it's song, and I fall into a deep slumber.

"Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Matthew 11:29-30

j0n

This is one of those blogs that you know that at some point you have to write, just to get out the words, and the thoughts...if only for yourself.

I don't think I will ever forget the feeling I had when on our way back from visiting Jeremy's family in Miami my sister told me over the phone that she thought my cousin Jon had killed himself. I will never forget the terror in her voice as she tried to get the words out, through screaming frantic cries for me to help her know what to do. I won't forget the hour that I waited until I finally spoke with my anguished father in Jon's apartment and he confirmed the horrible news. I will not forget the following three hours that I spent weaping until we arrived at my mothers house and I could embrace Jon's mom, and my own mother and father.

I will never forget Jon.

He had a tough exterior, but underneath a soft and tender heart. He smoked like a chimney, drank like a sailor, cursed like a trucker and had a couple tattoes to boot. But no one that knew him was fooled by the toughness he portrayed. Jon loved his nieces and nephews and was so proud to be an uncle. His was insightful, reflective, and thoughtful of others. We spent many weekends with him, laughing, joking, and enjoying life. I recently wrote about one of our weekends at my uncle boos.

Here are some of my other favorite memories of Jon in picture form:

A few years ago we were watching my sister Erica's daughter Kaylee while she went on her honeymoon. Jon was living at my parents house at the time where Erica also lived with Kaylee. Needless to say, Kaylee had a special place in Jon's heart and so when she was staying at our house he surprised us at 7 am by coming over to make breakfast for her. When I say surprised, I mean he snuck in our house and I thought he was a burglar until I smelt eggs cooking :-) The next picture is him and Kaylee later that day. This is one of my favorite photos and it's on our fridge. I think he's talking to Erica on the phone.

This is at Hopeville Pond camping a few years ago. We had been bridge jumping and on the way back Sam and Jon where in one canoe and raced Jeremy and I in the other. This was the year of the "autoloader", a bonfire that fed itself firewood, and also the year that Jon and I jumped in the lake sometime after midnight with a huge fishing net trying to catch "Sphincter" the giant snapping turtle. Jon of course was wearing army boots while I jumped in barefoot. We might have caught him had I been wearing the appropriate footwear.

Jon saved a bunch of money by coming to Casa de Christi to get his haircuts. Whenever some time had past in between cuts, I always started with a mohawk. This is one of many mohawks :)

This is the last weekend we were all together at my parents house in April. Jon was having a blast coaxing my nephew Keller through the mudpuddles that littered my parents yard. We even have a video of him pushing Keller on the boogie board through the mud and my Grandfather commenting on how Jon will be the next Uncle Boo - my own adventurous crazy Uncle who coaxed us all to do wild things as we were growing up.

A few weeks ago, Jon's mom, Jeremy, Erica, Kaylee and myself visited Jon's grave in the national veterans cemetary in Saratoga. There was only a marker for his grave as the stone was not yet finished, and there was only sand over his and the other newly dug graves. Erica explained to Kaylee, who is only 3, as best she could that this was where Uncle Jonny is buried. We stayed for a while and admired the beauty of the cemetary, the green hills, the trees, the rows of American flags, and talked about Jon, and wondered what the stories where of the other veterans buried nearby.

As we were standing there, we noticed that Kaylee was crouching on the ground, and slowly stroking a few fingers through the fresh earth in a long line over Jon's grave. After a few moments Erica finally asked Kaylee what she was doing. Without looking up Kaylee answered "I'm trying to find Jonny." Then after a short pause "Mommy, can you help me dig?"

There wasn't much said after that. After basking in the beauty of the area, a young childs struggle to comprehend the death of a loved one brought us back to reality.

I've found that death seems to bring about alot more questions than it does answers. I won't really ever understand why despite all our love, Jon was still hurting so much that he decided to take his own life. I will never understand why this happened within the midst of Jeremy losing his own father. I will never understand.

But of this I am sure of...

God is still God. He is the God of the entire universe and is in control. He is with us when we cry, hurt and scream in anguish. He is ready to comfort us and hold us. And when the time is right, He is ready to give us the strength to continue on if we will only come to Him.

I'll leave you with the verse that I use time and time again, but having written it in the bible that Jeremy and I gave Jon that was found near his body, it holds new meaning to me.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"
John 10:10

May you have life, and have it to the full.

<3
C

lazy sunday

It's Sunday afternoon and my house is quiet. Jeremy is in Miami for the weekend to speak at a church, and all three babies are sleeping...for now. Ignoring the mess around me from the morning rush to church, and also ignoring my strong desire for a nap, I am stealing a few minutes to myself to blog. Here's what's on my mind:

1. My heart is content. We went to Domieians 2nd birthday party last weekend. I can't believe he is two! He's gotten so big, and is as cute as ever. I wasn't sure I would ever recover from Dom leaving us in October. But time has a way of healing things, and over the months I am more thankful, and less sad. He definitely remembered Jeremy and I, and would run over to us and give us food, or point out objects he knew, and when we gave him a new truck he ran over to Jeremy and said "open!". It was so great to see him doing well with his family and we left with warm hearts.

2. Budgets aren't so bad. We've finally put ourselves on a strict budget and I like it. I feel so much more responsible and can't believe how much money we used to waste on things. Our church has just finished a series on stewardship - specifically on giving of your time, talents and treasures. All this budgeting has made me realize how much we all overspend, and how much we can cut back - even in the midst of a bad economy - and give more where it's needed. So yeah, it's fun acting like a responsible adult.

3. This is my life. Was reading through a friends facebook qoutes and stumbled upon this little gem that describes my life:

...but playing your music as loud as you want and coming home drunk aren't real life. Real life, it turns out, is diapers and lawnmowers, decks that need painting, a wife that needs to be listened to, kids that need to be taught right from wrong, a checkbook, an oil change, a sunset behind a mountiain, laughter at a kitchen table, too much wine, a chipped tooth, and a screaming child.

Donald Miller from "To Own A Dragon"

Welp, it has taken me a full 5 hours to finish this post in between getting babies up from naps, changing them, feeding them, bathtime, reading, and finally bed. Don't be surprised if I don't post again soon ;-)

self-worth

me: So did you know that Rick Warren is the Commencement speaker for Gordon College graduation this year?

jeremy: Huh, no way. Who was the speaker at your graduation?

me: I don't know, but I bought his book. Who was yours?

jeremy: Um, Marv something or other. Marv Albert.

me: Marv Albert?

jeremy: Yeah, you know, Marv Albert...DOCTOR Marv Albert.

me (laughing): Doctor Marv Albert? Don't you mean Marv Wilson? Who the heck is Marv Albert?

jeremy (cracking up): haha, a basketball commentator. Haha.

me (dying laughing): Yeah, I'm pretty sure he wasn't your commencement speaker.


I realized the other day that albeit for my husband and his affirming humor and all of our inside jokes, I am really quite a loser. I think we think each other is cool and somehow that is enough for both of us. It's nice to have someone that gets your jokes, and laughs even if they aren't funny, and thinks you are neat. For this I am thankful. No one else may get my worth, but as long as my husband values me, then somehow this sustains me daily.

I wish I were like this in my faith. I wish that I could really say that at the end of the day, as long as God affirms me, I am ok. Unfortunately I still concern myself with what others think - even my husband. Ah, to live to please no one other than the Creator. How freeing this must feel. It will be something I will constantly strive after, but never quite attain.

Welp, I am atleast thankful that while on this journey of messy spirituality I have people around me to encourage me and make me laugh. Even if it's at their own expense.

Doctor who?

March Madness

Jeremy asked me if I would be his guy friend tonight and watch the basketball game with him. I am reluctantly playing along and will soon eat wings and pretend I know what happened in the game when he jumps out of his seat and yells " OH MAN! NO HE DIDN'T!" This should be interesting. Not that I don't love sports, it's just hard to sit down and do anything these days without the urge to get work done since there is always something to do. Did I add that I am going to wear his clothes so I look more like a guy tonight? Haha, just think about it.

So here are all the things I would have blogged about recently but didn't:
- Welcomed Michael and Anthony's baby sister Jada into our home on February 26th! This makes 3 babies under 1 year old in our humble home, which is approximately 17 diaper changes a day, 15 bottles, and endless excitement.
- Had a birthday and am closer to 30. This is fun for me. 30 will be cool.
- Went to New Jersey for Easter and visited my little sister and her awesome family. Saw God at work in her life.
- I learned how to braid the boys hair and it looks sweet.
- Did I mention that I love Jada to death?
- Speaking of death, found a mouse in my washing machine...after I had washed the clothes.

That's a decent update for now.

Here are some happy photos of favorite little guys.





Blessings,
C

ocean view

This past weekend Jeremy, the boys and I headed to Connecticut to visit family for my Grandfathers birthday. This February trip has become an annual event that I always look forward to. I'm not sure if it's because it breaks up the time between Christmas and Easter, or if I just enjoy visiting my extended family that much. Whatever the case, I am always guaranteed to have a good time.

We stayed at my uncle and aunts house, who is an avid antique collector. I usually spend several hours of my stay looking through old books in his house or other random objects and am fascinated by the way people used to live. Anyhow, we thought we would hunt for some old objects of our own by the ocean with my uncles metal detector. Apparently some pirate used to bury treasure somewhere along the coast and so you can imagine the visions of riches we had. After searching for several hour and only coming up with bottle caps and broken pieces of metal. We finally found something of worth.

 

 

 

 

It was really cold that day but the boys didn't seem to mind all bundled up on our backs. Anthony ended up sleeping most of the time. Later on we met up with the rest of the family for one of my Grandfathers favorite activites - bowling! We reserved four lanes and had quite the afternoon. Not much of a bowler, I managed to score a 99 my first game. AND THEN - something inside kicked in and I started off my second game with four strikes in a row! I ended up with a 182, which must be a personal best. My grandfather still beat me, but I think I made him proud :-)

Welp, the rest of the weekend consisted of some horrible Quentin Tarantino movies (which we still managed to laugh at), plenty of snacks, and alot of ridiculous humor care of jonathan, jeremy and boo. Bummed to be back home, but excited because I will have another niece by this time tommorrow night! Yippee!

facelift of the interior kind

What a weekend. Our living room got a serious facelift. What started as an innocent trip to Lowe's turned into our very own edition of extreme home makeover.

I'll spare the major details, but the short of it is that I stole the colors from my mothers house, learned the glory of painting a fireplace, the rigor of painting ceiling beams, and realized that Huck Finns is awesome. Oh yeah, and I owe everything to my husband who actually did all the work ;-).

Here's the product:





I really wish we had a good before picture, but the walls were a funky grayish color, all the trim and ceiling beams were dark stained wood, and the fireplace was ugly brick. Here's a photo of one of our former foster children using Bandit as a horse, that gives you an idea though.



And just for fun, here's the scene I walked into one morning after I thought Joey was playing peacefully in the room. Or not.
P.S. Daiper Rash Cream does not come out of carpets.


Off to Connecticut next weekend! Will post pictures when we return :-)

late night reading

Last night I finished "Echo Park" by Michael Connelly.  I understand that this may not be the most riveting topic to write about after a several week absense from posting, but considering that I was only on page 30 something when I began reading at 8:30, and then finished the rest of the 457 page novel before going to bed is worth noting. 

 

I'm not quite sure what compelled me to do such a thing.  Around 10:15 Jeremy and I actually headed up to bead, did our devos, and then as Jeremy began watching Bob Ross masterfully paint his happy trees I continued reading my book.  This new book reading habit at night instead of watching TV was intended to help us go to bed earlier.  I tend to watch TV longer and so I thought reading would help me fall asleep better - not so. 

 

I mean, Harry Bosch (main character) had just started interviewing the the alleged murderer in an investigation that had haunted him for 13 years, and I knew there was a twist coming, so I just kept going.  Welp, I got through the entire book, heavy eyes and all.  I wish I could tell you what time I finally finished - 2, 3, 4 am?  But after a certain time at night I flip my clock over so I can't read it.  It's my way of mentally tricking myself into thinking that maybe I got more sleep than I really did.  For instance, maybe I am a speed reader and went to bed by 1am (doubtful) in which case I got a good 5 hours of sleep.  More likely I didn't go to bed till 2 or 3, and probably clocked a mere 3-4 hours of rest.  Mentally I like to think I slept 5 hours :-). 

 

Also of note was that at some point in the night Jeremy started laughing out loud in his sleep.  This happens often, but is particularly funny when I am awake to listen to it.   Sometimes he wakes up right away and tells me what was so funny that he was dreaming about, but I had to wait until the morning to hear the story this time - and yes, it was in fact funny.  

 

Well Michael Connelly, you have succeeded as an engaging author, but have failed to help me fall asleep on time.  I will need to move on to some lighter material tonight and am open to suggestions :-)  

 

 

best christmas gift

I have called Domieians birth father and step mother almost weekly since he transitioned home to live with them in early October to see how things are going. They always answer my calls, and are always willing to give me the latest update on Dom and what new thing he has learned. It is always calming to speak with them, and hear him babbling in the background.

We haven't seen Domieian since he left, and though I have had dreams of visiting him, his new family was not ready for us to come see him yet for fear that he would be confused. Last Thursday when I called for an update, I finally heard those words: "We are ready for you and Jeremy to visit Domieian". Oh if I could describe the anxiety, joy, fear, and anticipation that I experienced all in that one moment. My stomach knotted up, and I had that funny little ball in my throat that you get right before start crying, and I began thinking of what gifts I would bring for him, what he would look like, and if he would remember us?

Thursday night Jeremy and I faced the crowds to go shopping to buy Christmas gifts for Domieian. I was so nervous as I tried to make sure to get the right size clothes, and pick out a perfect toy he would like. Wow, is this what parents go through every year?? I can't believe how nervous I was that I would get the wrong thing! A new outfit, Nike shoes, and a toy truck later, we left the mall feeling successful.

On Friday Jeremy and I packed up the twins and set out to visit Dom in his new home. We were warmly greeted by his new stepmother and she welcomed us into the family room where Dom had just fallen asleep on the couch. He looked taller, and very peaceful. When she woke him, he seemed a little confused at first, but sat on my lap without a fuss, and didn't seem to mind as I carefully looked him over, stroked his hair, stretched out his fingers, and held him close. He didn't sit long before he noticed his gifts and intently pulled them onto the couch and began tearing them open. In true toddler fashion he gave great attention to every shred of wrapping paper, and as soon as he had ripped a piece off, he ran to the kitchen to throw it away. When he opened his new shoes, he took them out of the box and brought them to his stepmother and at that moment it was clear to me that he has made a successfull transition into his new home, and has built a healthy and trusting bond with his mother.

The rest of the visit including more opening gifts, playing chase through the house, pointing out objects he knew, looking at the photo album we gave him and lots of good conversation and laughter. I didn't get emotional during the visit, nor when we left an hour later to go home.

On the drive home I replayed the visit in my head over and over and began wondering why I felt such a sense of peace. I am no longer "mommy" to Dom, and I don't get to lay him down at night, or wake him in the morning, and at times this has been a great source of pain. But if anything, I left feeling selfish for all the times I have mourned over this child instead of being excited for him to be with his family. I was struck by the sense of entitlement I have had, and self pity that he was no longer with me, instead of experiencing joy that I was allowed to be his mother, even if for a time. And I think finally, having gone through some of my grief, and then seeing him doing so well, I began to feel peace.

I have learned a great many things from this experience with Dom, about being faithful, growing through pain, and most importantly - trusting God.

Trusting God with the outcome of our situations, trusting God to protect us, to take care of us, to reveal His will in His time. I wrote a friend recently and expressed my frustration in trying to figure God out, and her response was "Then don't!" The truth is that God's real purpose may not be revealed to us in this lifetime. We will be called to obediently walk through our circumstances, faithfully following the path laid before us, and having to trust that although we don't know "why", we know the "what".

Abraham was told to bring Isaac to the mountain as the offering though he didn't know why. Mary was told that she would raise the son of God, but didn't know the outcome. Throughout the bible there are stories of God's people obediently following a path laid before them, without knowing where it would lead or what obstacles and pain they may face on the way.

I guess that's how it is with us. We are following this path, and while I don't always get to see the master plan, I was thankful to get a glimpse of it this past week in visiting Dom. Knowing what heartache it has been for us, but then what a joy it was to see him at home with his family, I see how it can all fit into God's greater purpose. I know I won't always get to see how things work out for God's glory, but am thankful that this Christmas I was able to.

christmas recount

Had our annual Parker Christmas party this past weekend at my parents house. Here are the numbers:

Grandparents: 2
Parents: 2
Siblings: 4
Sibs in law: 3
Aunts: 3
Uncles: 2
Cousins: 9
Nieces: 2
Nephews: 3

Total: 30

That's right folks, 30 family members for a weekend packed under the same roof, same time, every year - and it's grand.

Of course, the obvious question is "what exactly do you DO that whole time". Well, lots of things, we have a yankee swap gift exchange, an auction, sometimes a pinata for this kids, we build snow men, have snow ball fights, and we always top of the evening by burning something.

Well, this year my father, wanting to exercise his new snowblower, decided to snowblow the backyard (yes, the backyard) in one giant crop circle. This left a gigantic mound of snow piled up in the middle of my parents back yard about 5 feet high and probably 10-15 feet in diameter. While at first we all laughed at the absurdity of snowblowing your backyard into a ginormous pile, we quickly learned how much fun huge mounds of snow can be!

Consider, this mound soon turned into an igloo, a sledding hill with steps going up, and wall to hide around during snowball fights, a climbing mountain, and most importantly - a stand upon which to place a teepee like figure for burning later on.

I will attempt to add video later, but for now, here is a glimpse of the snow mountain.

horrible driver and shameless promotion

I have an addendum to my previous blog on reasons why you are a better driver than me.

5. Ran out of gas on the way home tonight on Route 5...with babies in the car, during busy traffic, and p.s. it's freezing outside.

Here are the excuses:
1. My fuel light didn't come on.
2. Even though the pointer was below zero I was still waiting for the fuel light and thought I could make it.
3. I am an idiot.

Alright, forget number three. I really was just waiting for the fuel light and in its absence assumed that I MUST have more gas. And yes, apparently it is broken.
Alas, my husband the hero came and rescued his damsel in distress within minutes - after of course taking the opportunity to engage full hyena laugh on the phone. The laugh of course was in vindication after I used his car and left it on empty only days ago, causing him to hike home and back, gas can in tow, after HE ran out of gas on the road as well. I think we will be fixing the gas light soon.

Speaking of husbands hyena laugh, we are fervently praying for a new job in full time ministry for Jeremy that will allow:
- exercise in areas of gifting (preaching, teaching)
- communication (developing, creating and enhancing the media with which we communicate the Gospel)
- flexibility to continue Seminary (starting January)

In the meantime, our back up plan is Starbucks, or maybe something that includes free buffalo wings. Actually, Jeremy has perfected his own home made buffalo wing recipe that has saved us generously in funds. Though, I don't know that it has benefited High Bridge Pizza with whom we had a personal tab with until we began to fry chicken from home. Maybe we will open up our own wing place..."J and C Wings". I think it has a nice ring to it.

So, here's an invite - call us up if you want to partake in this new deliciousness, you will never want to order out again!

Oh, and if your little pointer is below zero fuel but your light is not on, you may want to fill up just in case.

marshmallows and criticism

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  I was confronted with some things that I need to work on and this is never easy for me.  I have been realizing what motivates me, and quite often it is the fear of correction.  I remember being in about 2nd grade in the lunch room, and I was talking during "quiet time" (big surprise) and I was told by the lunch monitor to go stand on the wall.  This was of course the customary punishment.  Instead of taking my spot on the wall I sat there and burst into tears between silent sobs.  I was so embarrassed for being called out that I just started crying.  The monitor quickly saw my emotional state and decided that maybe addressing me was enough and didn't make me stand on the wall.  This also happened when a "boyfriend" dumped me in seventh grade at a school dance, and I bursed into tears, and then subsequently called me a "marshmallow". I guess I wasn't getting in trouble, but I just felt like there was something about me that needed to be different.

 

I've developed a thicker skin since those days, but at my core I am still the same.  I have learned to anticipate the corrections, and am motivated to do what I can to avoid it.  When I meet with my boss for our weekly supervisions I am quick to lay my sins bare, before she is given a chance to correct me.  I must be the easiest person to supervise!  I'd rather identify on my own what I need to work on, rather than have someone point it out. 

There is some criticism however that you just can't avoid and you are unable to identify on your own.  There are times when flaws must be identified and called out, and we come face to face with our imperfection.  And it's in those moments, as uncomfortable as they are, when we are most challenged to grow. 

 

I had a day like that today.  It was especially hard because it was not a very tactful confrontation or criticism, but nonetheless I needed to hear it.  And it challenged me.  It plagued my thoughts my entire drive home, and as I ate dinner.  I had knots in my stomach as I went to bed thinking about the conversations of the day, and the fact that I indeed do not have it all figured out.  But I appreciate the challenge.  I never get used to it, but I have learned to accept it and be thankful for it as part of God molding and shaping me into his image. 

 

After all, imagine having nothing to improve, being perfect, flawless.  Now that is a pedestal I never want to stand on. 

18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect ^[a] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. Corinthians 3:18

 

   

fruits

I rarely blog twice, but was so humbled by this email I received today that I had to post.

Hey, I don't know if you remember me, but I went to Old Cutler Presbyterian back when I was in high school (like 5 years ago), and attended the youth group when you and Jeremy were working with it.

Anyways, I wasn't a Christian back then (far from it actually), but am now. It's interesting, but the one thing I really remember back from those days was you leading a girls Bible study and sharing a little bit about your testimony. I remember in your tearful talk you telling us girls to wait until marriage to have sex. It's funny, but I believe that one talk kept me from losing my virginity in college before I became a Christian.

So, I wanted to say thank you. You may not remember me, or may not have known it, but you touched my life and I am thankful for that. Now I am an adult leader for the high school youth group at my church, and am hoping to make a difference in their lives, as you have made a difference in mine.

It's amazing how God can use us in ways we would never imagined.

the great discrepancy

This is what He has given us to do, this task here on this earth, not the task we aspired to do, but this one. The absurdities involved cut us down to size. The great discrepancy between what we envisioned and what we've got force us to be real. And God is our great Reality, more real than the realest of earthly conditions, an unchanging Reality. It is His providence that has put us where we are. It's where we belong. It is for us to receive it--all of it--humbly, quietly, thankfully.
-elisabeth elliott

Oh the absurdities! The many mundane things that fill our time. I find myself reminising on the grandour I envisioned for my life and the reality of the pile of clutter that actually is my life. For instance, the four loads of folded laundry stacked in my bedroom waiting to be put away, the overdue movies that Hollywood Video is pestering us about, the mess in the basement, the dog food under the steps, the pile of papers on my desk at work, etc. And I think to myself, is this what it's all about?

Yes, and no. Two things I am sure of: I will never be free of tasks which I don't like, and I have the freedom to choose how I respond to these tasks.

This isn't a "pray for your babies while you monotonously fold each piece of their clothing" philosophy, it's a "choosing to allow God to reshape you as you faithfully fullfill the duties of whatever post you have been called to". I don't want to work full time and also try to juggle being a good mother, wife, friend, housekeeper, etc. But for now, God has allowed me to be in a challenging place, and if I can recieve this -- humbly, quietly, thankfully -- I'm excited to see how he will grow me through this process.

Well, most of the time I'm excited. Alright, some of the time. Ok, let's just say I'm working on it.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
-Philippians 2:13

93 minutes wasted

I don't know if "wasted" begins to even do justice to what I happened to my precious time. "Swallowed into the eternal abyss", "painfully stripped", "destroyed with the devastation of a santana blaze" or "massacred" may better describe the moments lost while watching the movie "Deck the Halls".

I rarely say this but I do believe I am actually dummer since watching that movie. See? I just mispelled dumber - I rest my case.

I feel bad only because in general I like the actors in the movie, but seriously, what were they thinking? I will make this brief, but just to recap the torchure which is "Deck the Halls";

- plot: 0
- character development: 0
- ditsy blondes: 3 (so sad, not even funny any more)
- scenes ripped from National Lampoons Christmas; 4+
- cheesy lines: SO MANY!!

Kelly Finch: What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Steve Finch: You know what it is.
Kelly Finch: Tell me.
Steve Finch: I was 7, my dad and I moved to Alabama...and Christmas morning we ate on the floor, ate French fries and drank chocolate milk.
Kelly Finch: That's what Christmas memories are made from, they're not planned, they're not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen.

- laugh factor: 1 for stupidity

I would recap the story line but I will waste even more time trying to figure out what it was. So in summary, compliments of rottentomatoes.com:

"Watching "Deck the Halls" is like getting a lump of coal in your stocking. Except receiving a lump of coal takes only seconds, while this awful movie goes on for an hour and a half."

Do yourself a favor this Christmas. Skip the new holiday movies. Watch the classics; It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Story, the real National Lampoons Christmas, or even Elf. Better yet, skip movies all together and read a story together, back some cookies for a neighbor, or do some old fashion Christmas caroling.

After all, if you go the movie route, you risk losing your precious time and more importantly - your sanity.

on family

On the eve of Thanksgiving it seems high time to weigh in on what I am thankful for (as cliche as it all seems). And in spite of all the wacky ways in which my little family keeps changing, I am most thankful for that very thing - my little ever changing family.

A year and a half ago my family consisted of Jeremy, myself and our two dogs. Then we added a little boy. Then a little boy left. Then we added another little boy. Then a little girl (a whole blog in itself). Then the little girl left. Then another little boy came. Then the little boy left. Then two little boys came. Did I lose you yet? We are up to 3 little boys, two adults, two dogs.

Then a little boy left - and here we are in our most recent family photo (minus the dogs).



Ah, the adventures of adopting through foster care. Despite our every changing family photo I wouldn't trade what we do for anything. I love these children that come into our family if only for a season. I love how it grows us and shapes us and allows us to be a part of something huge. I love how it brings out the best in both Jeremy and I and forces us to fully rely on God. All of this I am thankful for, despite the heartache that may accompany it.

"Though the sorrow may last through the night, Joy comes in the morning!"
-from the song Trading My Sorrows

the wait

I saw an ad for a book recently entitled "What do you do with your wait?" by Mike Harder. In summary the book seems to discuss what we do when we are waiting on God for something - an answer to prayer, direction, calling, purpose etc.

I touched base with my girlfriend from Miami the other day who recently recieved an answer to prayer after years of waiting. Neither her nor her husband are US citizens. They live in Miami and have religious visas through the church they work for. She is German and he is Haitian, and while she is free to go home to visit her family in Germany, he has been unable to leave the country while waiting approval for permanent residency.

Imagine, they have been married seven years and he has been unable to visit her hometown, her grandparents, any extended friends or family. He has had to remain in the States while she took the children to visit her family. In the grand scheme seven years may not seem that long...but when you are waiting, just waiting, it seems to last a lifetime.

So now the wait is almost over. They received news that the papers have gone through and he will be able to travel about freely. It has inspired me to see them walk through this wait, adjust plans accordingly, with patience and trust in God's ultimate providence and plan.


I think about what I do with my "wait". How I respond in between the here and there. After all, is it really about getting to the place we want to be, or about the journey to get there? If it's about the place, then it seems when we get to Heaven God would just say "yep, here you are - way to go sport". Not so exciting.

I find myself getting so sidetracked on what it is I am looking for or waiting for, that I sometimes lose the lessons God is teaching me in the process.

I'm thankful for friends who inspire me to use the most of my "wait" and encourage me to take advantage of these times of uncertainty to seek God fervently, letting Him gently guide me and grow me. I am also thankful for friends who walk with me through the wait, providing laughter and relief in what would otherwise be stressful times ;-).

worst job

Yeah, I didn't have the best day at work today. And just in case you were thinking that you have it bad...



Cheer up! You could be that guy :-)

truth about beauty

Our pastor is doing a series on the Christ's return, and to highlight this weekends message about the Anti-Christ the theme was "truth and lies". It made me think of this Dove video that I've wanted to post for a while.

The video exposes some lies that the world teaches about beauty, and while I don't know much about Dove, I think the message is relevant.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30